I fell in love with ‘Pizza Hut’ when I was younger and soon we started dating. She was delicious. We used to meet secretly, before school, after school, recess and the occasional outings. We used to umm…eat, during the recess in school. We had this spot, on a staircase, where no one else was allowed to eat because it was ‘our spot’. Things were simply great.

Enter: The internet age which made it easier to communicate and I found ‘Domino’s’. We chatted a little, started texting, it was fun. Not as fun as it was with Pizza Hut, but fun. Soon, I started really liking Domino’s as well, because she really gave me certain things which Pizza Hut didn’t…you know? Burger Pizza, Choco-Lava Cake and the Cheeseburst 😛
Now I was at the point in life when my body was going through changes and I was perennially hungry because of my metabolism. So, my fuck-all traitorous friends who themselves loved Pizza Hut, and were clearly jealous of me, asked me that why don’t I try them both. “Monogamy is bullshit! The real OG had 16000 umm…‘food chains’, you can have a couple.”, they said. Pretty convincing crap. Obviously, I was the biggest fucking dumbass because I took relationship advice from a bunch of fuckers who never had ‘any-gamy’ schooling me about polygamy!!

But yeah, then my life became like a fucking James Bond movie. So I had to hide from my parents and teachers that I was dating Pizza Hut, I had to hide from Pizza Hut that I was dating Domino’s and I had to hide from Domino’s that Pizza Hut wasn’t already my ‘bae’. So, before tuition, after tuition, during my midnight cravings and even in the morning around 5 or 6 when no one else was awake I used to meet Domino’s because she was much closer to my place as compared to Pizza Hut. It was a kind of symbiotic relationship really, only thing was that they didn’t know about it. Being an adventurous person, I found it pretty fun to be honest. Besides, we were all happy and everyone was content. But, it was obviously, too good to be true, or at least ‘stay’ true.

Now the service which made this all possible, fucked it up (#circleoflyf). When I uploaded a story with Pizza Hut, I hid it from Domino’s and vice-versa. But, this one time, I uploaded a story with Pizza Hut and hid Pizza Hut herself, by mistake. Now Domino’s went crazy!! Unlike Pizza Hut, Domino’s was a complete psycho. She didn’t really understand me, but she was tastier and gave me more options and I was a hungry fucker in the prime of his life so… But somehow I fooled Domino’s into believing that Pizza Hut and I are ‘just friends’. I won’t delve into how I used other friends’ accounts to fool Domino’s and Pizza Hut both at some point in time, but it was pretty genius 😛 (I’m not proud of myself…okay, I am a little, but that’s not the moral of this story. If you want any tips though, you can contact me, but I won’t tell you shit for free!)

Then this one time, I had to place a regular order with Domino’s but I saw that the OTP for confirmation came from Pizza hut. Yeah, you read that right! Basically, I sent that order to Pizza Hut by mistake and she accepted the order! I was like fuck! Why do I need Domino’s now?! She’s hostile, abusive, selfish but really cheesy and yummy, which made me feel kinda guilty…But I decided that I’ll stop going to Domino’s for a while and she’ll stop taking my orders, and now that Pizza Hut has choco-lava cake as well, I don’t need anyone else. Happy ending right? Alas, my fucking conscience started eating me up telling me to not let the foundation of my relationship with Pizza Hut be a lie. (Clearly, the villain of the story was my conscience, I’m innocent!!)

So, I decided to come clean with Pizza Hut (Bless my Heart) and I told her about all the Pizzas and cakes I’ve eaten. BIG MISTAKE!! She was shocked and heartbroken. She softly pushed me out of the door, kissed me one last time (probably the best kiss I’ve ever had) and shut the door forever, hanging the ‘CLOSED’ sign. I never got to see Pizza Hut tilt her head and smile again. Even I was really sad, because Pizza Hut was the one I truly loved, but still, I was hungry. So I went back to Domino’s who, to my horror, had now a new customer. Apparently, I wasn’t ‘there’ for her when she needed me, while this new guy was. So now, I was all alone. I know that I had fucked up and I did deserve this but Karma is a bitch. After some nights of self introspection, crying, nightmares, trying out local pizza places, I decided, I was done with these short little Pizzas (bye-bye back pain).

Enter: ‘The Burger’. Now I have the perfect partner for me, I feel. She understands me, better than Pizza Hut or Domino’s (and taller :P), and that’s what I really need the most at this point in my life. I need a ‘partner-in-crime’ more than a ‘partner’. Besides, we’re not really exclusive, which is actually great. To top it all off, she’s extremely tasty 😛
Things are perfect, again, as long as I don’t screw up…I’m gonna try my best to never hurt McDonald’s because she has been good to me, when no one else was. She was there for me when everyone else left. We may not have a ‘label’ but I know that there is something between us. I’ll always stay loyal to McDonald’s because I know now, how it hurts…

fin.

Bonus Section:

Metaphors (for the dumb-asses who took it all literally. 
No, I don't have a romantic relationship with food! Maybe I do, 
but that's not what I mean! Ughh, just read the damn thing!)-

Pizza Hut- Ex-Girlfriend 1
Domino's- Ex-Girlfriend 2
Hungry- Horny
Metabolism- Testosterone
OTP- DM
McDonald's- Current umm...close friend
Food Chain- Wife
Eat- Makeout or other forms of intimacy.
Cheesy/Cheeseburst- You know what it means!!
Tasty- Tasty...duh...

Also, I'll always have love and respect in my heart for every 
Pizza Hut and Domino's because they have not only made me happy 
for the most part of my life, but also taught me and helped me 
grow, as a person. If Pizza Hut or Domino's is reading this, 
please forgive me. You are an integral part of who I am and 
I am forever indebted to you. xoxo.

McDonald's, if you're reading this please call me, I miss you and 
I wanna talk to you...

fin..